Nature is a Mother

As some of you may know, I dropped my first born off at college two weeks ago.

As a cruel joke that’s a pile of bullshit, I started having hot flashes THE WEEK WE DROPPED HER OFF.

Honest to God, as if I wasn’t already distressed enough thinking I’m old with a college student, now I get a 15-minute reminder all day and night. It’s a 15-minute flash that says “You’re old.” Then 15-minutes later, “You can no longer produce a child”, 15 minutes later, “Your stomach is getting thicker”, 15 minutes later, “Put on your reading glasses, get online and figure this shit out..”

Go ahead and try that. Here’s what you’ll find.

Menopause 2

  1. Ummm, YES I’m stressed. I’m fucking hot!
  2. Give up caffeine. LOL. You’re cute..
  3. Give up Alcohol – see above. I wait all day to switch from caffeine to alcohol. I live in the suburbs for God’s sake.
  4. Spicy foods? Maybe I could do this one..
  5. Tight clothing. Not possible. Everything is tight – I’m going through menopause!
  6. Heat – O.K. I’ll move to Alaska
  7. Cigarette smoke – quit that in college. Chalk one up for me..

I can’t wait to see what happens when I drop off my final child. What will I need, a wheelchair?


1 comment… add one

  • Mary Beth Albertini August 31, 2016, 10:47 pm

    This all comes with the privilege of getting older, which I suppose really is better than the alternative. Funny how we don’t give a darn about it until it happens to us! Right there with you….


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