Have you guys ever handled a dead deer? Well, now I have. On Sunday afternoon, a family of deer ran through my backyard and unfortunately, the baby deer couldn’t find his way out of the fence, ran into it and died. Very sad.
So, what to do with a dead deer in the yard? We could call the deer taker-awayers but sometimes it takes days for them to come. Our dog Louie needs the back yard and surely he’d roll all over it. Option two was to throw it over the fence into the parkland and let nature take its course.
My husband flat out refused to do it. So, I figured, fuck it, how hard can it be to wrap it up and chuck it over the fence? I’m a mother. I’ve changed some really bad diapers, children have vomited on me and my cat has dragged in many headless animals I’ve needed to dispose of.
Mind over matter… mind over matter…
Believe it or not, I had a willing assistant – wait for it – my daughter Hannah. That’s right. The broads of the house were taking on the pioneer attitude and clearing our land of dead carcasses. Fun times!
Steve came to supervise. Once we got close, Hannah got upset and couldn’t help. I start wrestling this thing that’s actually quite stiff and heavy while they look on. Steve had the nerve to get angry with Hannah for not helping. She’s yelling back how absurd it is that he’s yelling at his 16 year old daughter to pick up a woodland creature with rigor mortis. At this point, I’m trying to do it myself but I just don’t have the strength. To cut the tension, I ask Steve to swaddle it since that was his forte when the kids were little. Then I start singing “Hush Little Baby”. Still no takers. Finally, once I’ve got it wrapped and half way lifted, Steve gets up his nerve and helps me with the last bit. Over the fence it goes. All the while Hannah and I are laughing hysterically. Proving once again that truth is stranger than fiction.
So what did YOUR family do last night?