Crap, I’m totally healthy!

So lately I have had trouble maintaining my girlish figure.  I exercise a lot and that has helped me maintain a pretty healthy weight most of my life but lately it just hasn’t been enough.  The pounds seem to be creeping on very slowly, just under the radar like my body is just trying to sneak them in without me noticing.

The other day when my increasing weight was freaking me out, I decided that clearly I was gaining weight because I must have a thyroid problem.  It simply can’t be my age, eating habits or my metabolism coming to a screeching halt.  Somehow (and it wasn’t hard) I really convinced myself that I needed blood work to get this SERIOUS thyroid problem diagnosed and under control.

I went to see Dr. B and I told him my saga.  I could almost see him shaking his head and laughing to himself.  He told me that his 50-year-old wife told him the same thing recently and tried to insist he put her on thyroid medication.  The only problem is she doesn’t have a thyroid problem.  He did my blood work because he knew I wasn’t leaving until he did.  I mean I can’t be expected to walk around gaining weight when my SERIOUS thyroid problem could be easily treated.

Dr. B called me with alarming news the next day.  It turns out I’m completely healthy.  My thyroid, cholesterol and hormones are pretty much in check.  What?? This can’t be, we need to check it again.  He very gently (he may have been just a little afraid of me) told me that maybe I will just need to cutback a bit to prevent weight gain since I’m getting older and my metabolism is slowing.

I think I will ignore him completely since he is a man and he clearly doesn’t understand my ongoing perimenopause and thyroid problems!!

P.S. I’m eating M&M’s while I’m posting this and I wonder what the problem is?!?!