Off The Rails

Here we go again. Its mid-December and I’m an out of control eating machine consuming my four current food groups of salt, sugar, alcohol and lard on a daily basis.

Every year I SWEAR I’m not going to fall into the same merriment trap that I ALWAYS fall into in December. Starting out all innocent-like with a couple of holiday dinners here and there with friends, a party or two. Then comes the food delivery of two hams and five pounds of gourmet bacon, the chocolate tower from mom, cookie exchanges, happy hours, boxes of chocolate, office food.

By this time of the month, I’m at my desk fist shoveling cheddar popcorn (from the trio!) into my face with reckless abandon. It’s nearly at the bottom now thanks to me and all I’m left with is a colossal thirst and yellow stained fingers.

Oh there have been a few good eating days in December, don’t get me wrong. But, one day of good entitles me to three days of bad. One workout equals three Trader Joe’s chocolate covered Oreos. Doesn’t it?

The last green thing I ate was the colored sugar on top of a snickerdoodle. If I could, I would eat my muffin top at this point.

Now skirt Monday has been extended into skirt Tuesday, I’ve got a faint headache and I haven’t gone to the bathroom in days.

However, there is hope. Only nine more eating days until the New Year. And, like ALWAYS, I will SWEAR TO GOD that I will stop eating and get back on track.

This time I mean it.


My annual gift to myself. I deserve it!


My desk at the moment. (Notice the festive lights)

3 comments… add one

  • Susie December 22, 2015, 10:22 am

    You my dear are so hilarious and always tell the truth.

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

  • Mary Beth December 22, 2015, 10:57 am

    ‘Tis the season. Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone, sadly.

  • Meg December 22, 2015, 11:07 am

    I could have written this. I’ve eaten green – mint chocolate chip ice cream. Ack.


Leave a Comment